


Your Darkness, from Far Away

by phoenixjustice



Category: That Guy with the Glasses
Genre: M/M, implied not so one-sided Insano/Linkara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-27
Updated: 2013-01-27
Packaged: 2017-11-27 04:22:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/657964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixjustice/pseuds/phoenixjustice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-Kickassia</p>
<p>If you only understood me deeply; but how could I ever expect you to understand me? Understand this underlying madness deep within me, just waiting for the moment when I forget, when I let my guard down the tiniest bit, letting *him* come forth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Darkness, from Far Away

A/N: Turned out different than I thought, but I am pleased with the result!   
  


: :: : : :: :

If you only understood me deeply; but how could I ever expect you to understand me? Understand this underlying madness deep within me, just waiting for the moment when I forget, when I let my guard down the tiniest bit, letting _him_ come forth.

 

I wish I could change it; I've tried. But he's got the edge on me; he understands science, the workings of the mind better than anyone would believe. Through his apparent failures, he's gained more and more of an understanding of the human mind.

 

Especially yours.

 

I would tell you if I could, but he's made _damn_ sure that I can't. The only thing he's left are the most important things, and those are the things that are stuck in my throat most of all. I've known you for years now and we've become friends. The kind that I've rarely had in my life. Hell, the kind I've never had at all, until you. You understand without me having to say anything. Half the time I look over at you and you're doing something as simple as handing me a drink just when I realize I want one.

 

I've been in relationships; I had a deep and meaningful one with Scarlett for a long time. I truly cared about and loved her. It wasn't that she wasn't doing things for me, that she didn't care, that she didn't satisfy me. She did all she could and I appreciated it. But there was always something... _off_ , something missing that I didn't understand.

 

I won't say that missing thing was you; that would just be selling you short.

 

Part of the missing thing is _me_. The part that got erased when Doctor Insano crept into my subconsciousness and left me less than I once was. You made it, you _make_ it, easier to forget that. To keep the darkness at bay. No one else seems to understand. I tried to make it clear to them during that sham of an invasion, but I couldn't get out the words I wanted-- _he_ made sure of that.

 

It festers inside of you, of _me,_ never sleeping, never unwatching. Eyes you can't see burning into you at every moment of the day, a hunger you can't describe, one which only grows stronger. Echoing laughter which fills your head, phantom hands that reach up, up in joy only to strike out at you in anger when unable to be released.

 

I...I'm tired. I really am. I've fought so hard, done my best to surpress this dark need in me, a need which I fear is not entirely Insano's, after all...he was once me. What can I do? I don't want to rely on you that much more. I don't want to push a burden on you that you don't deserve, for you push enough of it on yourself already. I see those weary shoulders and find myself longing to touch them, to take away it all.

 

I've been having to push away my jealousy, did you know? It's a very easy way for Insano to break free from me, if I don't hold back enough. Jealousy comes from the darkest parts of ourselves, after all. You probably don't want to hear that I'm jealous of Liz though, do you? I'm your friend. I'm your _best friend_. We've fought together and we've laughed together and we've shared things to each other that we've never shared with anyone else.

 

But we're not supposed to be lovers are we?

 

I've always figured that not one of the thoughts I've had of you would go anywhere, that you have ever thought that way even for the smallest instant, even if you had to squash it away.

 

It's not easy feeling for you, do you know? I've never felt this way for a man. I've never felt this way _period_ and it scared the hell out of me. It scares me to think that Insano could break free and he could take advantage of you using my body to do so, because he likes you too.

 

I would _kill_ myself before I ever let his darkness taint you, I swear I would.

 

I...

: :: : : :: :

"Spoony? Hey man, you don't look so good."

 

I jump, quickly turning off the screen I had been writing on and glance over. Of course it was Linkara; he, Linkara and Critic were working on another review of an Uwe Boll movie. This time instead of staying at Critic's, they decided to stay at Spoony's.

 

"Just...tired." I evade, looking away. I knew he could see the bags under my eyes from where I sat at my desk, but there was little I could do. I _hadn't_ been sleeping well; a combination of both keeping Insano at bay, keeping my feelings hidden from both Insano _and_ Linkara and all the work I had to do. I was exhausted.

 

"It's more than that." Linkara says softly, one of his hands touching my shoulder. I very nearly jump again but manage to hold it in. God, didn't he understand? Need rushes through me, mixed with terror and anxiety. But for the first time in a long time, I felt Insano's presence start to recede. I didn't know for what reason, but I was thankful all the same.

 

"It's okay, Linkara. Reall--" I still as one of his hands starts to rub my shoulder. I close my eyes as he leans forward, using his other hand to rub my other shoulder.

 

"You've got to stop keeping things to yourself," he says to me quietly. "Did you really think I wouldn't notice? I thought you knew me better than that, Spoony."

 

"I don't know what you're talking about," I say through gritted teeth. "Just--let go of me, alright? I'm fine."

 

I let out a unintentional yelp as he suddenly turns my chair, forcing me to look at him. He leans down, hands perched on the arms of my chair and I hold back a litany of things that I wanted to suddenly say.

 

The concern in his eyes makes me flinch, look away.

 

"Share it with me. You're not in this alone." Linkara says.

 

"Yes, of course! Friends stick together!" I say hysterically. "All for one and one for a--"

 

He grabs my chin and leans down. I had never seen him with such a serious look in his eyes.

 

"Yes, they do. And so do lovers."

 

The beating of my heart, which had seemed so faint, seemed to come to sudden life, beating a quick _thump-thump_ inside of my chest.

 

"You can't..." I start to say faintly.

 

"When have we ever been anything else, Spoony? Who says you can only be one or the other? Why can't we be both?"

 

Why can't we...?

 

I close my eyes and the sudden darkness reminds me of just the reason. I push myself away from him, trying to get somewhere, _anywhere,_ away from him. I didn't want him to see the madness, to touch the darkness. I had to save him from myself. Someone who had become so twisted, even through little or no fault of his own, as I had didn't deserve to be near someone like him. I don't think he understood that--he is like the sun to me. He burns so brightly that I can't bear to look at him, but I long for that warmth.

 

I've never wanted anything more in my life.

 

"I love you."

 

I halt, feeling my world crash around me. I couldn't look back. I _couldn't_. Because then things would be the same and I would feel everything break around me once more.

 

"Turn around. Look at me, Spoony."

 

"I can't." I finally whisper. "I _can't_."

 

"He can't hurt me. And I won't let him hurt you. Not anymore. _Look at me, Spoony._ "

 

I stand there for a moment, taking in a breath, before turning to look back at him. He burned just as brightly as ever, but this time, for the first time...I could see him.

 

"I love you." he repeats.

 

He extends a hand, as if trying to pull me to safety. And really, that's what it was. But he wasn't just saying the words, I knew that. He wasn't that kind of person.

 

"I've...for a long time," I say quietly, unable to properly say the words, but trying to anyway. "I..."

 

"I know." he smiles.

 

He doesn't push his hand forward, impatient for me to take it. He waits, smiling, letting me make the decision for myself. I understood the implications of everything that would come next if I took that hand.

 

Did I want to go through all that?

 

Was it...no, was _he_ worth it?

 

I take his hand.

 

 


End file.
